What's Goin On?

Life has been busy and full! I only have a few weeks left before I meet the newest member of our growing family. Excited doesn't really cover it. Additionally I am mindful to spend some time with my first born and husband, appreciating this time with them before our family takes the next step. The changes (and sometimes challenges) of my now over 2 year old are amazing, and I feel so blessed to witness them first hand on a daily basis. It is especially poignant for me as I watch the news headlines and the extraordinary stress families are experiencing. It makes me even more grateful for my strong family, friends, and community support, and ultimately for me as a person of Faith, to God.

On Twitter I have been following and linking to several news stories including the continuing struggles of women in Afghanistan to retain some of the fragile freedoms that they have regained in the face of a retrenching in interpreted Islamic dogma, as well as the inspiring role that women are playing in the riveting events in Iran. Also, I have been closely following the H1N1 epidemic reporting, and I have to say that this is one to definitely tune into and not blindly follow the nightly news sound bites. While it is true this virus is nothing to underestimate, the scale and scope of the proposed reaction by authorities is something that gives me tremendous pause. Whether it be rushing a vaccine that will not be fully tested and vetted, to compulsory measures that may be employed to ensure vaccination compliance, there is a personal liberty storm brewing that will test the underpinnings of democratic ideals. I do not think that I am overstating this in the least, and that is very worrying. And if you happened to catch the BBC miniseries Torchwood this past week, what made it a little to scary for me was the echoes of plausible truth that the writers wrote into this "science-fiction fantasy" that touched a little to close to home in view of developing events.

As with many of the difficult issues that I read about daily, I do not suggest that one become paralyzed with fear, nor dismissive with denial...just as always, be informed, make your own assessments, and exercise your personal rights actively and robustly.

Back to doing just that for my family! 

A Painful Reality for Everyone, Not Just Jon and Kate: Relevant Marriage and Parenting

It's been awhile, I know, but for those of you that follow me on Twitter, you know I've been as compulsive and prolific as usual in passing on the news I find relevant, but just not so moved to expand upon the news...that is, until now.

I'm a very casual watcher, but last night, like nearly an astonishing 9.3 million others, I tuned in to watch the season premiere of Jon & Kate Plus Eight. I'm aware of the drama and scandals surrounding this reality show couple, but not a real fan of prurient unsubstantiated speculation and conjecture (aka, gossip), so it wasn't something I planned to watch last night. But, there I was flipping channels and I landed smack dab in the middle of their marital debacle unfurling for all to see. And it was painfully real.

Now, this post could be about the perils of exposing yourself on "reality" television, losing your bearings between a public and personal life (all valid and important), but what struck me about the painful spectacle of the premiere episode is, well, the reality of something that happens to so many couples once they have children, reality show or not. Certainly the public scrutiny and pressures of the producers complicates it, but what I saw was a cautionary tale for all that transition into parenthood. 

There is a difference between devotion to your kids, and losing yourself in them. Becoming a parent is not the pinnacle of your identity, and hyper-focusing on them, whether there is one or twenty of them, at the expense of your relationships, and your own needs and passions is a recipe for heartbreak. As Kate in sad defeat revealed that she and her husband had become different people, and expressed dismay as to how it happened and what to do about it, it was clear to me that Jon & Kate were no longer in addition to their eight, they had been swallowed by the phenomenon that is their Eight. 

It happened gradually, before our eyes. Their lives became a endless cycle of kid needs and itineraries mined for their growing audience, and the only thing that became interesting about them was their identity as the parents to these eight pretty adorable little kids. We laughed and felt a little smug as Kate (increasingly demonized for things most of us have done at one time or another) nit-picked and mothered Jon in those couch scenes. Red Flag! When you start treating your partner (whether they deserve it or not) like one of the brood, you are heading down a perilous path. As women, it's pretty easy to fall into the martyr, "I have to think for and do everything for everyone," role. If you were a fly on my wall this weekend, you would have seen similar behavior in fact. 

Jon is certainly not blameless. As he bitterly decried that their lives had become a "business," and one in which he is left at home while Kate writes books and travels to promote their show and her books, and he had been forced to quit his job, I heard the protestations of many a stay at home parent (usually moms) "I have given up my life for you, and no one appreciates me" martyr. It's hard for many to navigate the change in identity that goes along with leaving a career, and focusing on raising one's kids. Even more so to flex to the aspirations and continued success of a working spouse. I know this from first hand experience. Yup, that one also most recently reared its ugly head in my house about two weeks ago. Ultimately, Jon feels he didn't have a choice. He has lost who he is on the altar of TLC.

But they do have choices as do all people who become parents. The wisdom that the greatest gift you can give your kids is a happy relationship with your mate holds true. I would also add to that, continuing to evolve and challenge yourself to live your gifts is also a benefit to your kids as well. Parenting is hard work and consuming. You must have that portion of your life that is reserved to tend to your needs, passions, and your relationships to sustain you in the especially intense early years. This is how your kids learn what living looks like, and are free to be who they are meant to be.

In Jon and Kate's case the reality show intensifies this, as they seem to have stopped allowing people to follow their lives as they live them, to focusing on living those parts of their lives that make them interesting to the audience. The outside looked fine for a long while, but inside the termites were weakening their infrastructure. As they sat far apart in the closing scenes of the show and gave dueling proclamations that all that they do is for their kids, it was painfully real that these two people have lost their connection, and until they realize that the vows they made to each other now need to become a central focus, their family is sadly in true peril. That is a reality check for all couples and parents to take away from this couple on the brink.

Where Oh Where Has Relevant Mom Been?

Greetings! So sorry to leave you in the void this last month, and what a month! 

Where have I been? Well, once I recovered finally from my first ever sinus infection, which I sincerely hope never to repeat again, I've been processing some changes lately. Pregnancy I am happy to report is going fine, and we expect another little boy in our household later this summer, but it's taken some adjustments to acknowledge my changing circumstances, forcing some valuable reassessment. My son has also virtually exploded in his development, making him a much more complex and entertaining critter, and I'm adjusting to his increased need for "input." Additionally, the death of a friend in my circle who took her own life really took some time to process through, also forcing some personal reevaluation. 

All of this has been positive for me, but what does it mean for you?

While I haven't been posting here last month, I have been continually monitoring the news as usual, but have been spending a lot of time posting this info on Twitter. The short burst nature of the format has been well suited to sharing the information I come across daily. What this means is that my intentions are shifting for Relevant Mom. I will continue to share news and links I come across, but I will focus here more on delving into particular issues and commentary, hopefully inspiring your commentary as well. I have appreciated the people that have taken the time to give feedback, and hope to expand this with great content inspired by all of the great thinking moms who are kind enough to visit and contribute. You can still get all the great tips and links by following me on Twitter (@RelevantMom), and I have included a feed on the sidebar to give you a quick update of what I have posted recently.

Looking forward to getting the conversation back into gear!

It's Raining, It's Pouring!: Confronting Issues of Personal Relevance

If there is anything in parenting that I am being forced to repeatedly learn it is to be flexible, and just take it one day at a time. This applies to life as well. Over the last two weeks I have tended to a house of sick people, and caught the dratted virus myself, which is oh so fun when one is pregnant as well. Additionally late last week brought news of a fellow mom of two young children in my circle of friends who passed away, and whose funeral I hope to drag my stuffy headed self to this afternoon, when my ultra supportive husband makes it home from work early to allow me to do so without my son in tow. Wrestling with a toddler and the enormity of a death that should not have happened at the same time are just more than I can handle at the moment. To sum it up, the news of the world has just not taken as much precedence in my head as the local news of my life presently, hence the stoppage.

But I am reading, and thinking and here are some things that are knocking around in my head, please feel free to add your own in the comments:

• Excitable and irresponsible reporting. Somewhere along the way journalism has turned a decidedly bright shade of yellow (look it up in your history books, ok Google it, if you don't get this reference, because frankly you need to understand this!), and those we trust to report and investigate the news are instead consumed with capturing our eyeballs with stomach churning intent. I've been reading the news about the banking industry, and frankly, "ya'll need to calm down." A significant degree of this "crisis" is the psychological grip of fear that politicians and "journalists" are stoking to get their piece of the news cycle. When I feel more centered this is a post I have GOT to write, if only to preserve my OWN sanity.
• The death of local news. When an institution such as the San Francisco Chronicle (ironically tied to that whole yellow journalism thing in our history) is threatening to close its doors, holey tamales people! Talk about "too big to fail," the death of local reporting is a BIG deal.
• Getting by day to day. I've been amassing resource links for alot of "news you can use."
• Octuplet mom (I refuse to use the nicknames on principle). Talk about self exploitation, this is all a huge train wreck of emotional instability and cultural prejudicial backlash.
• Accountability and Accessibility. It's important to put the "P" in participative democracy, but there is alot of "O" in overwhelmed and "B" in busy, so I've been tracking articles and tools that help you Participate, while Overwhelmed and Busy.
• Much more!

What's rattling around your brains these days?

Photo Credit wandelgraaf

Managing Expectations: Relevant Personal Update

You may have noticed a slow down lately. The great news is that I am expecting my second child later this year, the bad news is that I'm coping with the attendant fatigue (not made easier by my active 23 month old!). Don't worry, I'm still monitoring the news, but being a little easier on my body, balancing the increased needs of my "must have input" toddler, and the paid freelance work I also do. Therefore, my goal is to post two to three times per week. Roughly on Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

By the way, please feel free to leave a comment about what news topics you enjoy seeing more about on the blog, which helps me focus my efforts a bit and use my time more effectively, while serving the interests of my readers better. Please do let me know. I value feedback and enjoy seeing your comments.

Also you should know that I also am on Twitter (http://twitter.com/RelevantMom) and I usually will post links and comment on news stories as I discover them in my daily review of the headlines, all in 140 characters or less! Please follow me and feel free to pop in with a conversation or comments there as well. If you don't Twitter, don't be intimidated, it's EASY, and I think I'll write a post about it soon now that I have the hang of things myself.

Be well, and as always, thanks for reading!!

Eight More Updates About The Suleman Octuplets: Relevant Controversy

Alright, the drama and follies of the octuplet mom and family is hard to look away from, and I to have been tracking the coverage for those who want to keep up to speed with the developments. Honestly I try to throw out the ridiculously salacious, and try to stick as often as I can to substantive updates, and believe me the coverage is sometimes really hard to tell! Here we go, and coincidentally there are eight updates:

• Universally the same question seems the loudest, "how on earth would this doctor implant that many embryos?" This article sheds some good light on the fertility system and the motivations on both the physician and patient sides of the equation.
• The only people who truly know what it is like to go through such an experience are the parents of other multiples, and they offer their perspectives on just what it takes to handle it and thrive.
• An actress on the red carpet I think made a good observation about just why the response seems to have such a nasty edge to it, saying that in a time of economic turmoil, and especially in CA, where an economic crisis within a crisis is snowballing, people are especially irked and enraged to find out that the taxpayers have, and will likely continue to pay for this. 
• A website has been set up to accept donations to the family, correction WAS as it seems to not be accessible at this point. May be it was the graphics reminiscent of your junior high notebook scribbles and art, but clearly it didn't achieve it's objective.
  
• Perhaps it isn't available anymore because the PR firm that was handling her and put up the website, abruptly dropped her because of the intensely negative backlash they recieved. Another PR firm was said to have taken her on, one which has represented another set of multiples, but word is that they are refuting that report as well.
• The negative press is said to have sent the family into hiding, although they are surfacing to shop and go to church recently.
• While her mother was paid around $40,000 to do an interview with Radar Online according to the mother's publicist (yes they have their own publicists), her father is trying to defend her on Radar Online, especially in light of a reported action being requested by a CA psychiatrist which would result in the octuplets possibly being taken from Suleman and adopted, preferably directly from the hospital. And speaking of paying for interviews, this article has some interesting information about how media organizations pay without having to say they pay.
• An important element in the discussion that needs to be highlighted is that wanting to have, and having a large family are not in and of themselves indicators of some sort of psychosis or selfishness. A commentary recently captured the essence that it takes much more than just liking children to successfully parent, and that there are wonderful parents and families that have large families for all the right reasons.

We'll see what else develops in the weeks to come and I will post updates.

Tracking The Stimulus Package: Relevant Economy

The legislative wrangling has produced a stimulus package unprecedented in its size and scope. What is exactly in it? Don't have time to wade through over 1,000 pages (and who does, yikes)? Check out these helpful and pretty quick links to resources that will break it down:

Pro-Publica is a non-partial journalist watch dog resource and they have put together two handy charts:

• What are we spending on in this package?
• What tax cuts does the package offer?

And the administration has set up a web resource that it claims will detail how the stimulus package is being administered in an effort to satisfy their transparency pledge.